Kuta Sweats Sex 5

By Denise Dowling

"From Heri, I get a lot of happiness, love and affection", Jean says. "I was married very young, at 17, and my ex-husband wasn't a demonstrative person. He was very busy with work and I felt like something was missing. With Heri, I'm finding I can express myself more freely. For the first time in my life, I'm independent. Heri has taught me to like myself for who I am and not what I look like. Sometimes I feel a bit insecure, like, 'Why should a young, handsome man be interested in me when there are so many nice-looking young girls around?' Heri says it's because he loves me. He knows I haven't got a lot of money", she adds. "I know about the Kuta Cowboys, but Heri has proven he's not like that. But can you ever really know how they feel? They think that because they say they love you, that's enough. Heri is so quiet and his English is limited. Heri said, 'I've got nothing to give you.' I told him that I may buy his cigarettes and food and put a roof over his head, but he doesn't realize how much he's given me. Before, I felt unattractive...I felt fat", she says, pinching the skin melting from her arms. "With Heri, I feel young. He makes me feel alive."

POSTSCRIPT: A lot of people in Bali and the States asked what I think of these relationships, and I'm still sorting through that rubble. Before I started interviewing, I thought it was about time for some role-reversal. Why shouldn't older women have sexy young boy-toys?

But with these relationships, there was a dump of emotions involved. The women heard what they wanted to hear....and the gigolos can say "I love you" in seven languages. When a man goes to a prostitute, it's a quick exchange of cash and bodily fluids. Why do women think they have to play Mother Earth? Why do they feel compelled to justify the relationship with that noble notion of love? Who cares if he loves you if the attention makes you feel attractive? Who cares if he loves you if the sex rocks? I still believe the women have nothing to be ashamed of, as long as they recognize the situation for the walking, quacking duck that it is! (1996, Urban Desires)